Toddler Rules

1. If it is on, I must turn it off.

2. If it is off, I must turn it on.

3. If it is folded, I must unfold it.

4. If it is a liquid, it must be shaken, then spilled.

5. If it a solid, it must be crumbled, chewed or smeared.

6. If it is high, it must be reached.

7. If it is shelved, it must be unshelved.

8. If it is pointed, it must be run with at top speed.

9. If it has leaves, they must be picked.

10. If it is plugged, it must be unplugged.

11. If it is not rubbish, it must be thrown away.

12. If it is in the rubbish, it must be removed, inspected, and thrown on the floor.

13. If it is closed, it must be opened.

14. If it does not open, it must be screamed at.

15. If it has drawers, they must be rifled.

16. If it is a pencil, it must write on the refrigerator, monitor, or table.

17. If it is full, it will be more interesting emptied.

18. If it is empty, it will be more interesting full.

19. If it is a pile of dirt, it must be laid upon.

20. If it is a stroller, it must under no circumstances be ridden in without protest. It must be pushed by me instead.

21. If it has a flat surface, it must be banged upon.

22. If your hands are full, I must be carried.

23. If you are in a hurry and want to carry me, I must walk alone.

24. If it is paper, it must be torn.

25. If it has buttons, they must be pressed.

26. If the volume is low, it must go high.

27. If it is toilet paper, it must be unrolled on the floor.

28. If it is a drawer, it must be pulled open.

29. If it is a toothbrush, it must be inserted into my mouth.

30. If it is a tap, it must be turned on at full force.

31. If it is a phone, I must talk to it.

32. If it doesn't stay on my spoon, it must be dropped on the floor.

33. If it is not food, it must be tasted.

34. If it IS food, it must not be tasted.

35. If it is a car seat, it must be protested with arched back.

36 It it's asleep, it must be woken up.